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Idiot

"Idiot" is not used for scolding anyone, it actually represents someone important to me. Yes you.

It's a pity that we've all changed. Things could've been different if you were still here. I miss the old you, the old me, the old us.

I have't blogged for ages, I doubt anyone ever enters this space anymore. But all the better, I can rant here!

I can't get used to poly life despite being in a poly for a semester already. Maybe I'm just anti-social or hard to approach, I don't know. I don't have any new friends and that really sucks, I have no one to count on. Someone actually told me that she's envious of me cuz I seem to be able to do everything alone in school. But if I was given a choice, I'd rather not be alone.

Three quarter of 2011 had already passed, time flies doesn't it? Within this 9 months, a lot of things happened. I got to know some people and I lost some people too. Got a boyfriend, broke up, and suffered a huge setback. Too many things happened, I'm no longer the Joey I once was. The Joey now can't trust, she's suspicious of everything and everyone. But it may not be a bad thing afterall, maybe this way I can protect myself better.

I have just way too much feelings bottled up inside of me, and it seems like I can't let anyone know. I've lived for close to 17 years now, and yet I feel like I haven't achieved anything. I feel like a failure, I failed in everything. I love the wrong people, trust the wrong people and all I ever did was end up hurting myself. I can't believe that the number of friends that I have can be counted with just less than 10 fingers. Yes I know, quality over quantity.

Can't help but feel insignificant all the time. I keep wondering, just what haven't I done enough? I've really tried my best, and now I'm exhausted I just wanna give up. No one ever understands, no one ever notices. I N S I G N I F I C A N C E. Everyone around me just know how to say I'm emo, but have they ever tried to understand why am I behaving this way? NO. Who enjoys spending everyday in tears when she can just smile? But you know what? I can't. So what if I can be happy today, happiness is short-lived, it does NOT last. I hate to be happy, each time I'm happy I ask for more, I would hope that the happiness lasts forever. But the harsh reality says no. What can I do? NOTHING.

I care for almost everyone I know, including those I hate. It's just me. But what hurts me is that, people whom I care about the most, are actually the one hurting me. People just don't understand, just because you've known each other for a long time, it doesn't mean that you can say mean things and expect the other party to not be hurt. It doesn't work that way. You may say, it's just my 'character', but so? It doesn't give you the rights to be so selfish.

Y'know what's loneliness? It's when you're with a crowd and yet you feel all alone.

I keep telling myself that things would get better, but maybe I should stop lying to myself. Unhappy things just happen over and over again. Tired, really am. If I could, I wouldn't want to care about the feelings of people around me. I would've done what makes me happy. But I know I can't be so selfish.

I've lost so many people, I wish they would come back to me but they won't. All of them left, without saying anything. I know it'd happen again, but I don't wish to get used to it.

Stop living for others and start living for yourself. I don't wish to spend my whole life thinking of ways to make others happy and end up hurting myself.

Heyy hello hiiii! I know I haven't been blogging cuz I've been really busy, and of course, I'm still busy. Previously was D&T. & HELL YEAH, COURSEWORK IS OVERRRR! ;D ;D ;D You can't possibly understand the joy unless you take D&T. All the afternoons spend in the school, days after days, weeks after weeks, months after months. But of course, in the end, it was all worth it. They are my blood, sweat, tears, heart and soul! Do miss D&T at times though ):

& now, I'm busy with O's. Studying every single day, I see my books more than seeing myself in the mirror. & I'm obssessed with studying, I love to study. It's the sense of accomplishment~ All the staying up, I know it'll all be worth it. (: I don't mind sacrificing my sleep and play, just to receive that results slip, with my desired marks. I'll definitely cry tears of joy and jump around like a small kid who just got a candy.

& also, I'm struggling between choosing where to go after Secondary School. Poly, or JC? Been aiming for Poly all these while, and recently, I'm contemplating to enter JC. But, I'm still in dilemma. Which to go? & I'm in just dilemma, thanks to Singapore's education system. Oh well, shan't say much about it.

Time check:12am. Gonna get back to my books (:

34 more days to O's, and 50+ days to FREEDOOOOOMMMM! ;D

Time check: 2.40 am

I'm tired and hungry! Gonna sleep soon I guess.

Been so busy with school, thanks to D&T. I reach home at almost 7pm everyday, or even later. Just hope that coursework's gonna end soon so I don't have to be so stressed up. & thanks to D&T, I haven't done anything revision, and Prelims are coming!

Still don't have the motivation to study either, dannngggg! I'm gonna get myself into trouble man. But, I wna do well for D&T and POA because of * . HEHEHEHE. MUST DO WELL! :D

Kayy, i shall go sleep already! GOODBYE!

Hai hai hai hai hai! :D I am getting so bored and my sickness is getting on my nerves. I've been sick for three days and I HATE TAKING MEDICINE.. Actually its because I'm lazy..

& because I'm sick, I'm not allowed to go near Jowen! SAD x3247832754892759375489 well, i dont wna infect him either ): , i have to sleep in the living room tonight... . i sleep ALOT! But im really tired. Esp, after medicine's effect. Ouhh, i have been self-medicating for THREE DAYS. If i dont get well by tmr, i'll prolly see a doc.

Hmm, so lets see whats wrong w me. I have sore throat, cough, nose feels uncomfortable at times, random headaches, fever going up and down, ear infection=pain, cramp= pain x2, I SLEEP ALOT! OMG. I know many are jealous.. but well IM SICK!

I can go die alrdy -.- all the pain and sickness all come at once! HELL!

Kay, im gonna sleep soon. byebyeeeee.

HI HI HI HI HI :D

I haven't been bloggin cuz I'm so busy, okay thats a lie, actually i'm too lazy :X Mega Concert: Symphony Of Colours was mega awesome! Esp the Lady Gaga remix by TAG and those dance performances. GOOD JOB! ;D

I'm sick now, great! Swollen eyes few days back, now sore throat. Best uhh. I'm glad that there isn't school today! (: The flu bug within me is making me sleepy, i'll sleep soon.

Ouh, and i met Evelyn and Bryan for awhile just now. It was so funny! Hahaha.

Goodbye loves (:

I've been wanting to blog, but did not what to blog about! But i better blog now, otherwise I won't have any chance ): School's gonna reopen tomorrow, and its back to my sec4 life. REMEDIALS TEST REMEDIALS TEST REMEDIALS NIGHT STUDY PROGRAMME. Jeesh, totally can die luhh. But well, few more months.. AND PARTY EVERYDAY! ;D

Guess I won't be online so frequently after today.. ): Feel free to text me @ 918823*9 HEHEHE ^^

O's gonna be my top priority from tomorrow onwards, no more only play and whatev shit. STUDY OKAY STUDY!!!

Bye.

With love, Joey.